Additional services
Safe Spaces
UK SAYS NO MORE is working with a range of pharmacies and banks across the UK to provide Safe Spaces in their consultation rooms for people experiencing domestic abuse...
Additional support
A list of services and charities offering support and advice on any questions related to domestic abuse and honour-based violence. Contact through phone or email here...
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DAHA accreditation
We are working on improving our approach towards domestic abuse and are proud to be working towards an accreditation with the Domestic Abuse Housing Alliance (DAHA). We are always grateful to receive comments and feedback on the way we handle domestic abuse, so please get in touch.
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Statistics
Although data on domestic abuse is not 100% accurate, the Crime Survey of England and Wales (CSEW) offers the best data available. It shows that:
- Around one in four women have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16.
- For men, the figure is around 1 in 7.
- In the year ending December 2023, the police recorded a domestic abuse offence approximately every 40 seconds (ONS, 2024).
Victim blaming language
We may not think about it, but the language we use when talking about victims/survivors of domestic abuse can play a huge part in whether or not they seek help.
We have all likely used harmful phrases at times, often without realising the impact they might have, even when our intentions were good.
Many victims/survivors are unaware they are being abused, this could be due to the normalisation of abusive and controlling behaviours, not being fully aware of what constitutes as abuse, and/or the perpetrator deploying tactics to ensure the victim/survivor remains under their control. This leaves the victim/survivor feeling, confused, exhausted, and disorientated. This awareness is crucial when identifying a potential victim/survivor and swiftly and assertively flagging and signposting the case.
It is essential to understand that separating from or leaving a perpetrator puts victims/survivors and their children in greater danger. A victim/survivor is most at risk of harm and/or homicide from a perpetrator at the point of separation and post separation. A 'leave' ultimatum given by safeguarding professionals can put the victim/survivor and their child/ren at further risk of harm.
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Harmful Common Phrases and Beliefs |
Anti Victim/Survivor Blaming Alternative |
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They should just leave/why don't they leave. |
The perpetrator should stop abusing, the victim/survivor is not able to leave. |
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They refuse to leave the abuser. |
They are not able to leave the abuser. |
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They always go back to the abuser. |
The perpetrator continually coerces/grooms/manipulates/threatens the victim/survivor to return. |
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They are not protecting their children from the perpetrator. |
The parent and children are victims/survivors of the perpetrator. |
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If they didn't say 'no', fight back or scream then it wasn't rape. |
The behaviour of the victim/perpetrator does not influence the informed choice of the perpetrator. |
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They are difficult to engage/work with. |
It may not be safe for them to engage with services. Services may not be approaching in the right way. It may not be the right time for them to have support service provision. This should be their choice. |
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They should have reported it sooner or told someone sooner. |
No one should ever be judged or blamed for not wanting/not being able to report. |
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Their low self-esteem and confidence made them vulnerable to abuse. |
Perpetrators are solely responsible for the abuse they perpetrate. Low self-esteem and/or confidence does not cause abuse. |
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They allowed their children to witness the assault. |
It is solely the perpetrator who is responsible for their children being subjected to the abuse they are perpetrating against them. |
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Their risk-taking behaviour will lead to them being abused/exploited. |
The perpetrator is solely responsible for abuse/exploitation, the actions of the victim/survivor do not cause abuse. |
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They are lying about being raped/abused. |
Most people that are raped or subjected to forms of sexual abuse/assault/violence never report it to the police. |
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Their engagement is superficial/ disguised compliance. |
A full understanding of engagement/non-engagement needs to be considered. Both due to consequences from the perpetrator, and fear/secondary traumatisation from services. |
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They need to be educated about abuse and gain an awareness to avoid abusive relationships in the future. |
Education and awareness does not stop abuse/violence. It should not be relied upon for a victim/survivor to modify their behaviour when the perpetrator has more power than them. |
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They keep choosing violent relationships. |
No perpetrator will seduce their victim/survivor with violent behaviour, on the contrary, they are usually kind, and charming. The perpetrator chooses to abuse their victim/survivor. |
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They should have known it was going to happen. |
No one should predict offenses against them. |
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What should they expect wearing revealing clothes/ drinking alcohol/taking drugs. |
The victim/survivor's appearance, and/or behaviour does not cause abuse. |
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They sell/exchange sex for things they want and need. |
The perpetrator is grooming and exploiting them, to sexually abuse them. Sexual Coercion - "the act of using pressure, alcohol, drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against their will" and includes persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused." (loveisrespect.org, 2023). |